I'm not sure where my story starts. So I guess I'll start at the very beginning and how I found out I was unexpectedly expecting miss Willow.
It was December 15th 2013. Wren was almost 9 months old and my cycle had not returned to normal. So it was hard to know if I was late or what late even was. So I decided to buy an inexpensive test at the store just to see. They were out of single tests so I bought a two pack. Came home and took it... "Line, Line. Cool. I'm not pregnant" So I toss the test in the box and toss the box back in the cabinet. Life goes on.
Hard life though. In the days that followed I would visit with my Dad as he was loosing his battle with cancer. I would watch the rest of my family battle along with him.
On the 23rd I spend the day visiting with my dad, watching football, telling him every little thing I could think to tell him before he was gone. When he got into bed for the night I kissed him goodnight and told him I loved him and that I would see him tomorrow.
When tomorrow arrived I was sick. I didn't want to visit him feeling the way I felt and chance him catching anything I had. I felt horrible so I decided to lay low at home. He really wanted to make it to Christmas. We knew he wouldn't feel well but at least we would all be together.
Christmas morning arrived. While sitting with the kids opening up our stockings I got a call from my Aunt that my Dad was gone.
I knew it was coming but nothing prepared me for how I would feel. Or how I still feel. I wasn't myself. Physically, emotionally, all of it. Everything was sad, hard, depressing, confusing. I dunno pick a word. It just sucked.
On New Years Eve, Sarah and I decided to make the kids something fun to eat and something nice for ourselves. I picked us up some live crabs & after the kids went to bed we ate and watched movies and said hello to a New Year.
The next morning I was sick. Puking is rare for me because I fight it tooth and nail but I was no match this time. I thought to myself how strange the crab would make me sick. I love crab and eat it with no problem except for this one time I had it when I was pregnant with Kaija, oh and one time I was pregnant with Shiloh. Hmmmmm
So I pulled out the box to take the second test and as I went to open it I noticed the labeling. One line = not pregnant. Two lines = pregnant.
Wait, what the hell?!!!! There's not a plus sign on this one? Are you kidding me?
I open the box and slid out my old test & sure as shit staring back at me is a positive pregnancy test I took 15 days ago!!!
Instant tears. I couldn't believe it. Pregnant. Again. But I was just pregnant! But I already have a baby! Oh man, I still remember what it feels like to have a baby. I didn't get to tell Dad. WHY THE HELL does this test not have a plus sign, damn it!
I opened my bedroom door & Sarah was standing right there. Holding the baby (cause Ya know, I already have a baby!!!) I'm in tears. She's got this worried look and I tell her and she sighs & laughs.
Ok then. If Sarah's happy, I'm happy. Let's do this. AGAIN